When to Say, "I'm Sorry." Every couple is going to have disagreements, arguments and maybe even a few knock down drag outs, and all will be well, but I promise you, there will be times when a line has been crossed and your only way to mend the wound is by offering an apology. Why is "I'm Sorry" so hard for some people to say? I'm pretty sure it's a pride thing. When you are willing apologize to someone, you first have to admit that you did something wrong. And who likes to do that? Next, you have to put your partner's feelings above your own, and acknowledge that you have caused harm. A humbling task. Pride is a powerful thing to set aside. But if you continually: -pretend that an offense never happened -get defensive -downplay the hurt -refuse to take ownership of the infraction -avoid communicating (with the intent of resolution) ... then pride will destroy your trust, intimacy and may even destroy the relationship itself. Don't let pride steal the intimacy from your relationship. Allow yourself to be vulnerable to the fact that you just might be at fault. Avoiding the conversation is not the same thing as resolving it!! By pretending the offense never happened will do far more damage in the long run. You may be able to distract your partner a time or two or charm them into forgetting the offense this time, but believe me, it will catch up to you. No amount of charm or chocolates are going to save you now!! So go ahead. Do the deed. Don't put it off any longer. Take responsibility for hurting your partner's feelings and do what needs to be done to salve it. Not sure how to go about it? Here are a few tips: - Just start by saying it. I'm sorry. (That will get their attention!) But don't stop there... -address the problem (I'm sorry for...) Let your partner know that you are acknowledging the unhappy emotions you caused. This, usually means more than anything else you can say. Try to identify with your partner's feelings. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is to your partner. Don't argue your point, use this as a chance to try and understand. -really make an effort to say and show how you are going to change in the future in case a similar situation arises. What's the point of apologizing if you have no intention to change? Make sure your partner knows you regret causing the pain and that you sincerely want to work toward a resolution. -ask for forgiveness. These words are truly humbling and powerful. By asking for forgiveness, it shows that you are choosing to start again with different behaviors. It encourages trust. -do what you say. Trust grows when you demonstrate the changes in your actions and behaviors that will benefit the relationship. When NOT to say "I'm sorry" -when you don't mean it anyway and you're just trying to "move things along". -not every conflict requires an apology- just be sensitive to times when you know you have crossed the line. You'll know. You'll feel it. And if you don't, the silence will usually let you know. -if you're just going to deflect it. (When you actually turn the offense back on your partner- guilt) "I'm sorry if you think...." or "I wouldn't have ____ if you hadn't ___" "It's not my fault if you took it that way..." -if you're just going to take your partner down with you. "I'm sorry, but remember that time when you did ___ to me?" -and worst of all, if you're just going to repeat the same offense time and again. Sometimes it may take a few hours or maybe even a few days before the emotions settle down and you can discuss the offense with your partner. Take that breath. Don't storm off or slam doors, just let them know you need a break. This is not the opportunity to hope they "forget about it". If you want to make things right, you're eventually going to have to address it. Just do it, and get back to loving. Sometimes it may take a while to be forgiven. And that is their right. If you hurt some one and they need time to grieve, allow them that time. And when they do come to accept your apology, be gracious. Don't hold a grudge or get defensive, allow for reconciliation. I hope this helps. Too many relationships are being slowly shifted a part because of the pride that blocks the apology. We all make mistakes. Take the responsibility to own up to yours. Make things right, make the changes and grow closer together. Follow me on Facebook!
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Relational Dynamics As many of you know, I am a hairstylist when I am not writing, and I have recently moved from my home state where I'd been living most of my life to someplace completely different. Adapting to the changes have been quite a challenge. People fascinate me. Now, being an introvert, I like to watch from a distance, but being part of the human race, I eventually have to participate as well. When I was studying relational coaching, my goal was to use it for mainly teens, but I am surprised that I can use this knowledge in every aspect of my life. I have been a hairstylist, off and on for over 23 years and have belonged to several different shops. The one I left was probably my favorite and the one that I developed the best friendship skills. Granted, this was also the time I was studying my relationship coaching training, so I learned a lot and put new ideas into practice of how to get along with other people. They essentially became my tribe. I belonged. We all looked out for one another. We played together, we worked together, we loved, we lost, we bonded. It was the first time in my life, I had multiple friends. In the past, I had only been able to concentrate on one friend at a time. This became a separate.... family, so to speak. (Like I said, I'm an introvert but never had a name for my "condition" until a few years ago!) When I moved and started my new job here, it's been an excellent reference as to how complete strangers assimilate to become one team. These twelve people, my new tribe that I had been assigned to- some have worked together before, some knew each other in passing, and I, of course, was completely new... but all of us were new to this franchise and brand new store. I like watching the natural progression of things grow. How people group together; find different ways to assert their authority; come together to weed out a common enemy, toleration, education and bonding together. It is amazing to watch. I had been asked to be the leader of our motley crew but had declined. I wanted to devote my time to creating and not so much cutting. But knowing that I am out of the running for a leadership role, I am able to watch the process unfold without bias. It's a good group of girls here, under a good GM and a positive owner. The shop will do well, and these girls look like they are here to stay. So I am anxious to watch the friendships unfold and to see if it stays "just" co-worker status among them or if they will bond together as a cohesive unit. I am having a nice time learning who everyone is. They're likes and dislikes, things we have in common, their work practices (how they cut differently than me or customer skills or retail skills). I am fascinated with their family-lives, how many kids they have, boys/girls, ages, married/single. Their hobbies, their joys, their addictions, what makes them laugh. While I miss the cohesiveness of the tribe I left behind, I am learning so much about myself and the others and this experience is only going to make me a better person by being able to love on these new people. We have all been thrown together for about a month now, and in that short amount of time I have learned so much about these young women. Their heartbreaks and their trials and the things they are doing to cope. If they have a common denominator among them all, it's strength. I have heard of some of their trials; things that would cripple another human being, but these girls don't give up. They find a new way to keep going. They all have strong family ties and as with everyone, they are all struggling through something. I am humbled that they trust me, an outsider, to tell their troubles to. They don't tell me to "get" something from me, they are just sharing. I am honored that they feel comfortable in such a short window of time to share with me. Apparently, I fall into the "momma" role wherever I go. It is true that people fade in and out of your life in seasons and that not everyone you meet is supposed to be in your life forever, and sometimes its hard to let go of your "comfort zone", but we can grow stale if we stay in the same "place" for too long. I have discovered that I am a wanderer. I physically need to move from place to place to stay inspired. I think I've known it for a long time but was too afraid to step out of the "norm". But when I say "place", I am more referring to a mental or spiritual attitude if you will. We as humans need to grow. We are created to want other human companionship, and yet its scary to face change. I wish for you to embrace change. Me, the introvert, says reach out and love people. All kinds of people. It doesn't have to be up close and personal, but we can love from a distance as well. I will have to get used to meeting new people and leaving others behind. And while I feel the need to not settle- at the moment- I hope that I leave behind me a trail of affection and that I touched people's lives with love. I hope that those I come in contact with feel inspired and if I'm lucky, I will have the opportunity to watch their dreams come true. (Facebook at its finest! I can move about the country and still keep track of all my people!) We all come in contact with people every single day. Make it a positive experience. And while we won't build tribes with all these people and they may only be in your life for a season, (or less), let it be a good experience for all involved. A little love, a little kindness can go a long way. Lead with love. Permission to Spoil Yourself I had a birthday this past week. When I woke up, I was prepared to be sad and even depressed because I was alone. Far away from family and anyone who might love me... or even like me a little. Once I figured out that each day is a gift, my attitude changed just a little bit. But I was still so lonely because I knew that no one was going to do anything nice for me for my birthday. No cake. No party. No dinner invites. I was so sad! (In actuality, no sooner did my eyelids flutter to life, my phone started chirping with birthday wishes and greetings of love and affection. I was not forgotten! And suddenly I felt worthwhile. I mattered now, because someone somewhere out in the world loved me.) But the most poignant message I got was from my sweet niece and she said, "Happy Birthday, I hope you use this day to spoil yourself." It dawned on me that I don't have to wait for someone else to do something nice for me. I don't have to do without! I could do it myself! I have been given permission to celebrate my special day even though I have to do it all by myself! (Well, it doesn't take much to convince the Great Dane, Meera to have a party!) As I am constantly trying to teach "my" teens that they should love themselves (before they can expect others to love them) this is one way of showing love to yourself. What a lesson for me! So I did... I had an extra serving of bacon with breakfast. I took a long, long, extra long hot shower. I went to the beach with my dog, Meera. (There were dolphins!! They were swimming SO close to the shore I could have walked out and touched them!! There were hundreds of sand dollars everywhere too!) I wrote in my latest manuscript. I relaxed, stared out over the water and thought about the people that I loved. I ate an entire box of chewy Sweetarts. I watched a couple episodes of Bones and finished out the night with a favorite movie, a bowl of popcorn and a glass of wine. The only thing I couldn't get my hands on was birthday cake. (Because, as you know, birthday cake is the only kind of baked good that has no calories...) But it was not meant for me that day, I guess. Overall it was a good day. It was a good birthday. While I love being around my friends and family for the special occasions, this has truly been a lesson that my happiness is not dependent on other people. I could have easily chosen to spend the day in bed and stay sad that no one is doing anything nice for me, but every single birthday wish I got on my phone or on Facebook was enough for me. I am loved. I am treasured and not even birthday cake can say that any better! This is the life that I have chosen for myself. To travel and be an author and create awesome workshops as I go. Therefore, I am going to be away from my "support group" quite a bit of the time. I need to know how to make myself happy. I need to love me in case there isn't anyone else around to remind me that I am lovable. And... it's okay to spoil myself every once and again. Because I am special. And I am worth it. So this is me giving you permission to spoil YOURself! Love you for you. Celebrate your awesome uniqueness and know that you don't have to wait for someone else to celebrate you. (By the way, thank you everyone for the birthday wishes! They really and truly made my day. Each and every one brought a smile to my face! It's good to be loved.) Simplify Your Life By Letting Go It goes against everything we believe in. Letting go... Hold on. Hold on tight. To everything. The more the better, right? Sometimes we get blinded by this theory. I'm not saying to sell all your stuff and move into an RV or anything... who does that? (teehee!) But if we take a step back and look at our lives in a different light, what can we let go of to make a little more breathing room? Thinking room. Living room. Loving room. Here's a list of a few things that came to mind when I was thinking on the subject. See if you agree. Let Go Of Your Yesterdays- Let the past be in the past. Been there done that. Learn what you can from it but then, let it go. Don't carry around regret, guilt or bitterness. Don't carry your past into your future, it blocks you from new experiences and from clouds your judgement. We all make mistakes. Learn from them and then let them go. (For more help in this area, go here.) Let Go Of Negativity- Let the glass be half full. Let there be a silver lining. Look for the good and you will find it. Look for reasons to be grateful instead of complaining. This slightest shift can do amazing things for your outlook. Let Go Of Self-Doubt- Stop talking yourself OUT of living! Take a risk! Take a chance! What's the worst that can happen? You have been given the life you have to enjoy it! So get out there! What are you missing out on? What have you always wanted to try! Let this be your year! Stop looking for reason why you CAN'T! Take action! Go ahead, take that first step! And since we're taking chances now... Let Go Of Perfection- Not everything we do is going to be perfect. (Is anything we do perfect?) Don't expect it to be perfect. We are human. Enjoy the things you do in your human imperfect-ness. By taking new chances, that opens us up for new mistakes... it's okay. You're expanding your boundaries. You are on a continuous learning journey. Embrace it and don't expect it to be perfect. Let Go Of Sources Of Stress- Chose people to be in your circle that will feed you and encourage you. If they suck the happiness from your very soul, it may be time to let them go. It may be painful at first, it's tough to change, but if it for the greater good, then go for it. A bad attitude is like flat tire. You can't go anywhere until it's fixed. So fix it and move on and away from those nails in the road. Chose to be around people that will lift you up, not stress you out. Let Go Of Living For Others- Make yourself a priority. Love begins at home in your heart. If you can't love yourself, how can you expect others to love you. People will take and take- as much as you are willing to give them. Give of yourself, but be sure there is plenty left for you. Follow your own dreams. You are the only one that can live your life and if you are so busy living it for someone else, you are going to miss out on so much! and finally: Let Go Of What's Not Working- Change is good. Not everything nor everyone is meant to stay in your life forever. People come and go, experiences come and go, life is a steady flow of change. And that's okay. See what is and what is not working for you at this juncture in your life and trim the fat where it needs to be trimmed. If it is not moving you forward, it is most likely wasting more time than it is giving you benefit. Let it go. Hopefully this gives you the motivation to let go and simplify your life in order to enjoy it all the more! Have a happy day and a love-filled life! How Do You React? We all have pain. We all suffer loss. We all have to go through experiences that we'd rather avoid. The question is, how do you react when you are faced with unpleasantries? We have no control over the things that life is going to throw at us. Sometimes it seems as if we are being "picked on" by the universe or God or whomever you choose to blame. When the truth is, we all have our fair share. Some people get it dumped on them all at one time, others have a constant stream of disappointment, still others have it dispersed through out life at an even pace so as barely to disrupt their daily activity. How can this be? I believe it is how we react to these events that determines the radius of destruction it plays in our lives. How you react places the value on the negative event. Is it going to shut you down? Move you to a cardboard box in an alley? Is every event catastrophic? Or can you get through it with a few minor tweaks? Is it something you have to work a little harder to push through? Or something that would turn out better if you just lay low for a while? Grief and tragedy affects each one of us in different ways. Learn to know your telltale behavior when times get rough to learn if you need to alter a few things to make life easier, you stronger, thicker skinned, or whatever the change might have to be. I do not belittle any tragedy that goes on in people's lives. God knows, I've had plenty to try and keep me down. The Devil loves to challenge my faith on a regular basis. And yet... The doctors of the medical community have diagnosed me with clinical manic depression. Which, basically gives me permission to have crying jags, eating binges and months of solitude and a list of medications to choose from if I so desire. Because of this condition, I have the green light to turn my heartbreaks, my letdowns, my bumps in the road, my catastrophes of any size to take control over my life, my emotions and my well-being. Well, guess what... I choose not to let the weight of the world control my destiny! Let alone my month, my week, my days. Okay, sometimes... many times it can have an hour or two, but then it's time to get back up and get back to life. Being diagnosed with depression, means that I sometimes have to work harder to see the sunshine instead of the rain, but since I know that about myself, I know what I have to do. It isn't easy. Like I said, I have permission by the professionals to sit around in my pajamas for days on end and wallow. But that's not the kind of life that I want. I choose to keep the sunshine on my face so the shadows stay behind me. I am not in denial. When these bad things come up, I make a choice as how to deal with them. I do my best not to make mountains out of molehills. I don't let gossip or what others think of me take a hold of my life or alter me. I know, that I am being the best person I can be under any circumstance. So, how do you react? When bad things happen, do you let it sink in and take over? Complaining doesn't help. Constantly bringing it to the surface doesn't help. Gossiping, or using the feel-sorry-for-me-card doesn't help. Don't discuss your problems with others unless they can help you. Either by support, or getting you through the situation. By constantly telling everyone how miserable you are only makes you a whiner. Enough of the reality tv show attitude. Your dirty laundry wasn't meant to be scattered all over the front yard. I'm not saying hide it. But I'm saying don't flaunt it. I'm not saying pretend everything is fine when it isn't, I'm suggesting reserving your comments on the situation for specific people. People that can help you and have your best interests at heart. Like I said, what life throws at us is out of our control. But you can make it three times worse if you give in to pressure, or depression, or bullying, or grief, or brick walls. There is ALWAYS another way. There is ALWAYS another choice. Choose the sunshine.... Always choose the sunshine. You're Exactly Where You're Supposed to Be Sometimes when life gets a little tricky, we tend to think that we are someplace that we were not meant to be. And in the grand scheme of things, that may be true, but whatever brought you to this moment in your life has happened for a reason. It is easy for us not to face things that are troubling us and so we close our eyes and just hope they go away on their own. But if we keep in mind that everyday, every experience, every meeting can be a learning opportunity. Our mistakes can be used to make us stronger, smarter and help our decisions for the future. All the choices you have made in your past have brought you to the point to where you stand right now. Good, bad or ugly, you are where you are because of the choices you have made. There may be reasons that you haven't gotten the success you wanted. It may just be delayed until the time is right or it might not happen at all. I heard a quote from somewhere that says we will be plagued by the same troubles until we have learned the lesson they were sent to teach us. And then another that basically says, What is yours can never miss you (regardless of the paths and sidetracking, if it was meant for you, eventually it will come to you) and what misses you, was never yours. (meaning, there could be things out there that you are struggling with over and over and no matter how hard you try, it will not come to pass. I had a hard lesson in that example. My history is in the theatre. Live theatre and teaching kids in the arts (dance, drama, art and music). I had helped create and build a theatre company in the early '90's and just assumed that was my path. When I left that theatre company, to start a family, I assumed that I would just open another theatre company where my family resided. That was my path right? But I tried, and struggled and lost thousands of dollars for seven years before one of my student's parents bluntly told me, "Maybe this isn't what you are supposed to be doing." I was furious! Who did she think she was?! Of course it was! It's all that I know!! I haven't done anything but theatre work for 15 years!! What else would I be doing?? I finally gave in. I was out of money, the Fine Arts Centre that I was running wasn't bringing in enough income... I had to give up. I shut it down, and shut it out of my mind for four years. I had to allow my heart and brain to open up to new ideas and yes, maybe a completely different path for me. It took a long time and I thought for sure that I was not going to be "allowed" to work with the kids again. But I had to be still long enough to be able to hear God whispering to me. It has been a long slow journey. There have been many lessons that I have had to learn along the way. And my hard-headedness, didn't make it any easier. I'm not saying that even if you're on the right path that there won't be bumps and trials. (Hardly!) But as I said before, every day is a chance to learn, to improve, to hear His whispers. I believe that I am on the right path, for however long, and I am learning to be more sensitive to what the world is trying to tell me. Good, bad or ugly, I am here at this point in my life for a reason. The choices I have made, the decisions I have followed through on and the things I have had to let go... This is my life. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. If you are struggling right now, is there a chance that maybe this is something you're not supposed to have right at this moment? Are there other tasks you are meant to accomplish before "this particular thing" can come to fruition? Are there more teachings, reading, experiences you need to acquire? Are there things, people, places that you are meant to move away from? Or distance yourself from? If you dig deep... could this be the time you need to let go of something that is not meant to be? A hard decision to be sure, but I firmly believe that if you were meant to "have" it, you will. Maybe not now, but when the time is right. You are where you are supposed to be. Take in all that the universe is trying to teach you and use it to its fullest! No Promises The other day, I went out into my back yard and there, going up the step in the mix of some boring weeds, I saw the most brilliantly colored flower. Nothing has ever grown there before and I wondered what it was doing there now! It was so simple and beautiful and thought surely is was sent to grow there to give me a message. So, I wondered what kind of message it could be? Let me give you some back-story... I feel closest to God when I am out amongst nature. I feel He is near me and I am more open to hearing his messages. The breeze suddenly feels like a caress. The birds sound like a choir. The colors seem so intense that I feel like I disappear. I don't feel this way every time I go outside, but I know that if I am troubled, that's where I meet Him. And he will comfort me. He will ease my pain. He will scold me. He will give me direction. Not that He whispers to me or anything... I've asked repeatedly for Him to send me a text message, but He must not like that option for me... Any-hoo.... So I feel this random flower was "sent" to tell me something. Maybe, to look for the rose among the thorns? That would be the obvious choice. And sometimes I do need to be reminded of that. I can get pretty crabby some days and only see things that just irritate the tar out of me and only witness the annoying things about people, but sometimes, hidden underneath the perceived "annoying" there is something truly beautiful there just waiting to be noticed. It was there all along. I just needed an attitude adjustment to see it. Or maybe, it was stop and smell the roses? Again with the roses? The point being that sometimes I get so busy and forget to notice the small things that make me happy. The little things that remind me why I work so hard. A sunset. The smile from one of my kids or grandkids. An ice-cream sandwich. I am pretty busy... I do work a lot and forget to watch the sun set... How about, God has it under control? He took the time to create this beautiful, perfectly made flower and bring it to my attention. He's got the whole world in His hands. My troubles are nothing compared to his power and compassion. No problem is too big or too small to take to Him. But no... none (or all) of those. Because as I was working all day, the next chance I got to go outside and check on my pretty little surprise, it was gone. Orange petals had fallen to the concrete and the center hung low. My conclusion was that the lesson must be: Nothing is promised. You don't know how long you have to appreciate the things and the people around you. Your world could change in an instant. Yes, that must be it. The flower was here, and when I thought I could appreciate it another day, it was gone. So I pass this lesson on to you. Love those around you. Never let them doubt for one minute that they are important to you. Stop and smell the roses. Enjoy the sunsets. Kiss the babies. Take nothing for granted. The very breath you breathe is not promised. Make sure you use every one as if it was your last. Let no words of ill-will be said to those you love. Always be the best person you can be from one minute to the next. Life is short. Too short. Forgive. Be thankful. Be kind. Show love. You don't know what you've got till it's gone. Don't live a life of regret. Live every day to the fullest. And even if your day consists of having to go to work, or another day of boring mundane activities, do your best to find the joy in every day. There's a reason you are, where you are doing what you're doing. So when you go to bed at night, before you drift off to sleep, take a moment to be thankful for all the good things in your life. :) A Change of Attitude As a society we have fallen into the pattern of "if he is nice to me, I'll be nice to him". We need to change that attitude. What if the other person is thinking the exact same thing? You could have passed up a new friend, a possible sale, a potential relationship or just that warm fuzzy feeling of sharing smiles. What would happen if you decided to be nice first? What if you smiled at everyone you came across? How do you think you would be perceived? And do you think this would help or hinder your first impressions? We only have a short time on this earth and personally, I'd like to be remembered as a kind, caring and loving person. When my name or image comes up in conversation or perhaps on a web search, it is my hope that the way I lived my life will have people thinking fondly of me. And in order to achieve this, I try to be kind every day, to everyone I meet. Most days, I think I am successful. I'll be the first to admit that I have my "off- days" where I would rather not have to speak to anyone... but luckily those days are few and far between. Lol. (I bet you have felt the same!) Loving behaviors and just being kind should be an automatic thing regardless of how you are treated, or who says "hello" first. The meaning of kindness is seeing the value of every person we meet. Sure, sometimes we have to look a little deeper, but it's there. We just have to take the time to see it. And I promise you, more times than not, you'll see it the moment you show kindness. And even with those tough ones that you can't seem to get to crack a smile, I'd be willing to bet that they'll think about your kindness again at some point in the day. Sure, they might think you're crazy, but... you may have been the only person to love on them in who knows how long. Sometimes we don't get to see the impact of the kindness we bestow on others, but it is never wasted. I had a man come up to me one afternoon in a grocery store. I unfortunately had no recollection of who he was but he told me that I had taught his daughter in my Broadway camp one summer. He said that she had the best time and felt so welcomed that she still talks about it to this day. (It was well over five years ago!) She was considered a "social outcast" and had no friends so even signing up for the camp was a huge step for her. After jogging my memory, I knew who is daughter was. She started out very shy and and tried to stay off to the side, but she was welcomed in and she was part of the family in no time! At the time, I had no idea of the impact she took with her, I was just "doin my thing", but how happy it made my heart to hear about it several years later. But think of what your acts of kindness could mean to strangers. We have no idea what other people are going through in their lives, but we are all going through something. What if your simple smile meant the world to someone else? What if you purchased the coffee for the person that was just having the WORST morning? What if you gave a compliment to someone who was absolutely filled with self-doubt that day? Starting today, be the one who smiles first. Take the initiative, be the ambassador for kindness. Let's go for that change of attitude. Bring kindness to others, don't wait for it to come to you. If you haven't signed up to participate for the 30 Day Kindness Challenge as yet, click here and write your commitment statement in the comments below the blog!! More to read: Put A Little Love In Your Heart- and Share It Put a Little Love in Your Heart & Share It The subject for today: Kindness. Does anyone even know what that means anymore? Is it such a difficult thing to do? I was people watching the other day, (something I LOVE to do... usually) and I have to say that it was a sad turn of events. It seemed like every single person was having a bad day. I was outside sitting on a bench watching people of all age groups, shapes, sizes and colors, meander about. It was a beautiful day, not too hot, not too cold and the sun was shining. That's enough right there for me to be grinning like an idiot at everyone that passes... hmm, maybe I was. That's why I wasn't getting responses! I digress. As I am watching the folks I couldn't help but notice the extreme LACK of kindness. Just in general. The workers at the food truck did not smile at their customers. The parents were short with their children. Passersby lacked common manners when accidentally bumping into one another. Family units separated by technology and passing up this amazing time to interact. No one held open the door for ANYONE! How have we come so far from common decency toward our fellow man? Are we all so busy that we can't stop for a moment and recognize the person standing next to us, sitting across from us, or smile back at me!!! What is kindness? Maybe we have skipped a generation where that was taught? Is kindness a characteristic or is it something that can be learned? Are we born to naturally be kind and then lose it along the way as we shift our thinking to the "me first" mentality? Or is it something that we don't even notice until it is brought to our attention? Well... here I am. Bringing it to your attention. Kindness means seeing the value in every person we meet. Every person. Some might take a little bit of searching, but there is value there. And not just seeing the value, but acting on it. We as humans were made for relationships. We were born to be integrated into tribes. We need each other to survive. Yes, yes, I know, there's an exception to every rule, but for the most part, we need to be loved and appreciated by others. Kindness is just a form of that love. A smile, a nod, a kind gesture... all ways of expressing that a person is valued. It's that simple people. "No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted." - Aesop What are you doing to show kindness to others? It doesn't take a whole production, it could be something simple as: - letting someone with fewer items go ahead of you in the grocery line - buy the person's coffee behind you in the drive-thru lane - opening the door for someone - letting another driver over during traffic - smiling at the teller at the bank - adding coins to the charity bucket of your choice - putting down your cell phone when a loved one comes in the room to talk to you - watching what your kids want to watch instead of your choice - slipping a note into your husband's lunch. - complimenting a stranger - leaving a gift for someone anonymously - offering to do a chore around the house - helping out a co-worker or classmate with an assignment - offering a smile... What kind things have you done today? How are you making those around you feel loved and valued? What kinds of things can you add to your weekly routine to increase the acts of kindness? And most importantly, how does it make you feel when you see the results of you tiny acts of love? Let's make a difference in the world. Let's take care of our tribe. Let's learn (again) how to love and value one another with every kind of kindness! A Big Announcement Now that the release of my second novel Waiting for the Sun has passed, I can move on to my BIG announcement!! This has been a long time coming!! I am so excited to announce the official 2014/15 Nationwide Tour of the Total Truth Workshop!! All year I've been doing smaller beta tests of the workshop to get out some of the bugs and to make sure I'm offering up what the kids need most and I am pleased with the results as are the kids. So the only thing left to do is to take it out on the road! This is will be my first attempt to travel with this kind of event, but I see it as an adventure! So many new places to see and new families to meet! And lots of good information to be passed around to make a difference in people's lives and futures! I am so excited! (& terrified!) "I'm so glad someone finally listened to what teens need and not what they think we need." "I love this workshop. I think it will help a lot of people. Miss Elizabeth is awesome." "The Total Truth Workshop wasn't boring at all. Miss Elizabeth always thinks for fun things for us to do and before we realize it, it became a lesson." I'm kicking things off here in my home town of St. Louis, MO first on the last weekend of June, 2014 and then starting off slowly. A weekend here, a weekend there and when school starts back up, I'll really swing into gear hopefully offering two workshops per month through the winter months. What a life change for me! But I welcome it with open arms. I could use a good challenge to keep me on my toes! I've been working diligently on the website which is now live. (I wish I was more tech savvy, but I am not! So, I had to work at it in bits and pieces at a time.) I am thankful for my support system at St. Louis Onsite (Shout out to Paul Arthur and Joey Felps) and to the newest addition to my tech crew, Ryan Lambert. Ryan is working on making the teen website pop with awesome videos. I am so very blessed to have so much talent around me. I am also so thankful for my Personal Assistant, Sarah Arnold, she gets my phone work under control and helps keep me on track to what my most present task is. If you only knew how much I needed that!! Lol! The workshop is starting to get press and is moving along faster than I'm ready for! So that just means I need to work harder and faster!! But I wanted to let all of you know first before it is released to the rest of the world! I am excited that it is getting positive feedback. I hope that helps the Total Truth Workshop get off the ground and have all the weekends sell out! For those of you that don't know about the Total Truth Workshop, it is a project that I have been "working" on for about six years now. It was going to be just a book called Do It Now or Re-do It Later- and it still will be, but it seemed to me that teens would get more out of the information if it was presented to them in a live, interactive format. When we have the opportunity to experience something over just reading about it, those experiences are more likely to make an impact and stay with us longer. And since creating fun camps and classes are my forte, this seemed like a perfect fit. So basically, for one weekend, these kids will come and hang out with me and we will work on life lessons, accountability, goal setting, and all the things they won't be taught in high school but NEED to know to be successful in the grown-up world. It's called Total Truth because I won't pull any punches or sugar coat the facts. The real world doesn't care whether you're tired or not feeling well or ran out of money. The world moves on and you need to be ready to move with it or get trampled by it! (I know the trampled part! I don't wish it on anyone!) It's so much more than sitting in a room and being talked at for three days. I wouldn't want that... I can't think of anyone that would! There are games and dancing and a fun atmosphere. These kids will come out of this event with a good idea of where to go next to make their future one they can look forward to. Instead of waiting to see what opportunities or jobs "fall into their lap" they will have the power and the know how to go and get what they want. They will be given a set of tools to help deal with bumps in the road and letting go of harmful habits and replacing them with productive ones. The workshop also deals a great deal with relationships and communication. Two things that everyone needs to be comfortable with so they can be prepared to deal with the relationships of their future. Bosses, teachers, family members, love interests, co-workers. The information they learn at the workshop will be of use to them the very first day. This workshop will be a huge asset for those kids who choose to use it. They are not only creating a future for themselves, they are linking with like-minded teens and developing a support system, a mentoring group and new friends that will last them a life-time. And me. I'll be there with them for as long as they need me. I've set up a members only Facebook group, their own membership pages within the website, on-going blog posts to keep them on track and they will have life-time access to me and to any webinars I host. I am just so excited about this whole thing! This is my life's work. This is what all my years of experiences have led me to. I wish I had something like this when I was in my teen years. I certainly wouldn't have made as many mistakes trying to figure things out as I went. I hope you will come on board and help me spread the news about my new "baby"! I can't wait to share it with the world! I love this age. So many new things coming their way and so many things to learn. Please comment below or shoot me an email if you'd like to know more information but I'll try and keep everything posted on here so you can see my progress. To find out more about the Total Truth Workshop, please visit the page on this website or you can bounce right to the brand new website to learn all the details! www.totaltruthworkshop.com Please be happy for me and keep theses prayers and well wishes coming my way, because I need all the encouragement I can get! BONUS if you or would like to sign up for the Total Truth Workshop (in the St. Louis area), please send me a message in the Contact Me and I'll give you a discount code for HALF OFF!! This offer is only good until June 17th. (Not in the St. Louis area? Message me anyway and first, let's see when I'll be heading to your city and second, I'll give you a special friends and family discount offer that you can use!) |
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